The muggy water seems almost inviting to me right now. They seem so peaceful, slowly floating around the tank, sucking on algae every now and then, and simply just growing. It even seems that they know they are safe in there, instead of outside where they came from. I hide in my home all day away from the sun's piercing rays that make me sicker each time I step foot near one but this home doesn't protect me for everything. God protects us whole heartedly but even then, things are allowed to happen to us. Sometimes bad things. There is a reason for all of them but at this point in life I'd rather not learn any more lessons or learn anymore about humans in general. The more I encounter them, the more I dislike them. I'm starting for fully believe there are no decent people anymore. Even the one's who say they are Christian's and don't do anything wrong. Those are the exact one's who sit at home scoping out pornography, paying for sex, cheating on their so called "loved one's", and riping lives apart but then have the nerve to turn around and say it was the wives or husbands fault. "She wasn't giving it to me enough.", "She was always emotional.", "She got fat after she had our kids.", "She wouldn't have anal sex or let me tie her up and whip her.", I've heard all of these lines and many many MANY more. "It's not my fault I slept with other women...it's hers." Really? Stop and think about what you just said for a minute.
Let's see, the first comment "she wasn't giving it to me enough". Could it be that she busted her ass all day for YOU and YOUR children running here and there and doing everything she can for your selfish ass and simply was exhausted after the tiring day she had? Of course it doesn't help when you come home and literally YELL at her for some fuzz being on the carpet or dust bunnies way up high in the corner. Oh yeah, let me tell you baby...that puts a girl right in the mood! Also the fact that many husbands don't believe in foreplay anymore. They just expect us women to hop right on it and get busy.
The second comment "she was always emotional". Umm, hello?! We're WOMEN! We have something called hormones rushing through our bodies all the time which can make us emotional. We don't all sit there and stare at the TV or computer only saying, "mhmm" or "yep" for hours on end. We aren't always content with one word conversations or feeling like we are world's apart from our significant others while we are in the same room. I hear men say all the time that they will never understand women. K, here's the break down for all of you men out there. We are NOT as complicated as you think. Some commercials make us cry. Why? Many different reasons! It could be a good or bad memory, it could just be a sweet or sad commercial, or it could be that we are tired and for most women, crying gets out your frustration! Duh...simple! You yelling at the top of your lungs at us when something isn't our fault WILL MAKE US THINK IT'S OUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!! It really doesn't matter if you say (while yelling), "I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU! IT'S NOT YOUR DAMN FAULT SO QUIT ACTING LIKE EVERYTHING'S ABOUT YOU!" Umm....again, hello?! You. Are. Yelling. At. Us. If you are yelling about something in the house, yes we automatically think that we didn't do something right. If you yell because your shirt got ruined in the wash, yep, again... since we washed it, we feel it's our fault. Men don't realize that we strive every day to do what's best for them. I realize that not all women are this gracious and some are down right mean so please don't start sending me hate mail telling me off and what not for something YOUR ex did. Not my fault (and yes, I won't be crying about that one). Most men expect us to be perfect; ALWAYS!
Speaking of expectations: gaining weight after having kids is N.O.R.M.A.L.!!!!! You try carrying around a baby and see how your body reacts. The simple fact is, having a baby is a miracle! It's amazing what all the woman's body can do. Research it, you'll be surprised. Getting mad at us because we don't have the energy to stand in front of the sink washing dishes for 30 minutes, simply does not help the situation any. It makes us feel worthless. Women forget that being pregnant and having a baby is a FULL TIME JOB IN ITSELF! No, I won't always cook you dinner. No, I won't always have all of the clothes done. No, I won't always laugh at your crude sexist jokes, be able to stand the heat without whining about it, remember everything I was supposed to do for the day, or even feel like putting on my make up every blasted morning! And just because we had already had the baby, doesn't mean our body will just "bounce" back to it's original shape and size. That's moronic to think that would happen. If you don't want to be with her b/c she's not "attractive" to you any more then just be a doll and tell her. Go find someone else while she finds someone worthy of her and her NATURAL body. Idiots. I swear. The plastic surgery rate is ridiculous. All we ever see on tv, movies, websites, in public, etc are a bunch of fake ass women. And of course, when we see you watching their perfectly toned ass or voluptuous breasts bouncing past...of course we feel bad. Again, not that hard to understand us!!! I know for a FACT that men don't like it when their women see a man with rippling muscles on top of muscles with a tan, toned, and shirtless body jogging down the road. Mhmm, not fun when the tables are turned is it? You expect us to keep our eyes on your slowly softening frame while we find porn pics and videos on our computers that you have been watching of busty red headed women taking it up the ass and in any other hole. Do you not realize that these women are PAID for this?! Just because she (very poorly) stares into your eyes *cough cough* (camera) and says, "oh yeah, give it to me baby. I love it when you do that." doesn't mean she actually LIKES it. Geez! It's called acting! And no, just because you help pay the bills and put a ring on our finger does not mean you are PAYING us for the disgusting things you expect us to do. BTW, do you even know what all we go through to even remotely look good for you?? We try our best to get you to look in OUR direction when we walk in the room instead of that overly dyed, red headed girl over there.
Here's another break down for you. When you blurt out what your favorite hair color is on a girl or what your favorite type of woman is...stop and think first! If you say anything besides what WE look like, of course we don't think we are perfect for you. Obviously, if I don't have the hair color your love or the tall legs that you drool over...what makes me think that you really want me for me? Want to know what my perfect man looks like?? Look at who I'm with! I chose him for a reason. Get that??? CHOSE! I wasn't suckered into it. It was my choice to make just like it was yours. So why then do you tell me or act like you don't find the one you are with perfect for you??? Is all of this really that difficult??
We want to feel loved, we want to feel special, and we want to feel like you want us. Don't you want the same thing? Chances are you get it from her, but the question is, after all she's done for you...do you give the same or more back? It's not enough to tell us that we are beautiful or "perfect", you have to show us. Actions speak louder than words so when you come to us and say that you love us and turn around and sneak in videos of chicks with their legs spread wide open with hairless...well everything, and secretly make sexual remarks to other women (all the while thinking that we NEVER know) don't you think that shows us that nope, you do NOT love us? It's called self control. It's something that everyone has but as I'm seeing more and more, no one seems to remember.
Note to everyone out there who has cheated on me: No, I never made you cheat on me. That was all on you. If I wasn't what you wanted me to look like or if I didn't do the "things" you wanted me to do in bed then you should have done one of two things. 1) dump me, and instead of sneaking in special appearances with someone else while I wait at home doing everything for YOU, just go on and leave me alone. or 2) get over your fantasies about what you think ALL women do and be happy with the things I DO for you! Remember, just because I do something, really doesn't mean I like to do it. I do it because you like it, and I speak for MANY MANY women, but at some point I have to put my foot down and say enough is enough. I WON'T do that.
As for me and my life, I do what I can. I do my best to take care of the house, my fiancé, my son, and my pets all while carrying a baby inside and still try to look some what decent. I may not always be perfect and certainly not feel perfect but I do expect the one I'm with to think I'm perfect...for them! Women: I suggest you demand the same thing or get the hell out of that relationship before it's too late and you find yourself hearing the same words I have, "You made me cheat".
Now to get my overly-exhausted arse up from this computer to start cleaning up what I already cleaned yesterday all while praying that I don't either lose my balance and hurt myself or the baby and that the dog for just one day doesn't mess up something else! The house may be silent, but my thoughts are anything but...
Until next time,
Sarah M.
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