I wondered a month or so ago where they went, why I couldn't see them, and if I was finally free of the torment I had experienced since nine but then that idea came to a crashing halt two days ago. The first time the darkish figure was seen was almost non-existent. It darted past the kitchen doorway as I turned around to put up the mayonnaise. I quickly put the thought out of my head and continued with making lunch. The next time, it flashed down the hallway and towards my bedroom. In one day it was spotted over fifteen times and each time it would quickly go out of view once it was noticed or peeked around the corner at me. There's another who doesn't seem to mind being noticed as much and as I type this I can see it's face periodically in between the two doors dividing the front room from the living room which are, at this moment, partly opened. And yet, another is in the kitchen. But the worst of all was two nights ago when I was laying down in the bed about to fall asleep.
I had just laid down in the bed while Matthew was up taking care of Liza. I snuggled up under the covers and shifted the comforter until it covered my head. Even with the warmth coming from my body, the chill in the room was massive and a shiver forced the bumps on my skin to raise. The floor near the door creaked and it moved very slowly to the side of the bed that Matt usually lays on. Sugar and Spice, my two ragdoll cats had jumped off of the bed about five minutes before so I assumed it was them walking around or perhaps Matt getting ready for bed. I ignored the sound and tried my best to drift off to sleep but once I heard breathing coming from some source directly in front of me sleep quickly darted away from me. I waited for what seemed like an eternity for Matt to climb into bed considering the footsteps and breathing could only be explained as him but once several minutes passed and he never did climb in, curiosity got the best of me. Thinking that for some reason he might be standing beside the bed watching the T.V. I pulled the covers off of my head to find absolutely nothing. No Matt, no kitties, not a soul was there and immediately the breathing sound stopped. I must admit...that one took me back.
Now you would think that after witnessing things like this on a weekly basis since the age of nine that I would be used to it and therefore not scared but I still to this day get a little shaken up when something like that happens. A loud voice out of the blue, a touch on my body (or worse...a slap and even a cut), and coming face to face with one right as you open the bathroom door to step out all chill me to the core but then I have to remember why they are here.
For those of you who know me already, then you know what they are...but for those of you who don't then let me clear this up. Demons. There is no way to sugar coat that or make some fantastic analogy about what they are. It's very plain and simple. They can disguise themselves very well and have done so for years but at this point, the disguises don't seem to work on me and therefore they don't seem to try that tactic much.
After much contemplation on why they are suddenly back around I've come to a harsh realization. When I'm "right with God" and on the right path, the one that God wants me to be on...they are visible, yet when I'm off track and doing everything but what I'm supposed to be doing, they seem to just fade away. So why do the demons do this back and forth act? Well, let me ask you this...why would they bother with destroying your life if they already have you in their grasp?
When you are on God's side, demons want you on theirs so they will do anything to tear you apart and make you lose hope. Remember that word, "hope" because it is the first thing to go when someone's life doesn't turn out like they want or when something goes wrong. Once hope is lost, everything else falls shortly after yet for some reason, hope is one of the last things we get back even though it should be the first. I've watched helplessly as so many people around me are losing everything, including their minds. They are slowly sliding down this slope that is leading them to disaster and even though they are trying their best, it just doesn't seem to be enough. Devoted church-goers that truly believe are still feeling like something is terribly wrong in their lives. And as much as I would love to be able to say it's all one specific thing...each person has a different demon clutching on to their shoulder and whispering uncertainties into their ears (see the relation between all of this now?).
Just because you are not "blessed" to be able to see them like I can and like so many others can, that does NOT mean that they are not there! I've actually heard from some people that they wish they could see them like I can but I always look at them like they are crazy. Even though I would not change a thing in my life, I do admit that this feels like a heavy burden after a while and sometimes it's better not to see what they look like or to know they are there breathing down your neck and just waiting for you to make that one little mistake.
But I say once again...these demons work much harder when you are doing something RIGHT. Did you read that?? WHEN YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT. Of COURSE your LIFE will be easier if you stay on the devil's side of the track. Why do you think so many "bad" people get off easy when they do something wrong or worse, never get caught? The devil already has them...he has no desire to work to get them at that point. It's the good ones he wants. He NEEDS them on his side and does everything he can to make them believe that God is not real or worse...does not care. Not true my friends. Satan takes on many faces, forms, and lies right to your face.
So how do you stay away from all of these lies? Pray. It's very simple. Stay away from temptation (not saying that anyone is perfect and yes, God COMPLETELY knows and understands that). But we MUST try our best every day to be the best person that we can be not only to ourselves but to others. Selfless acts of kindness.
Back to the matter at hand. I welcome them "haunting" me and doing their best to devour me because at that moment I know that I'm doing something right. So I say to you, the next time you are scared and feeling like something is staring you right in the face or following you, ready to dart out and scare the living heckles out of you...just smile and know that you are on the right path.
And please never never forget...even though you may not be able to see/hear/feel demons like me, that does NOT mean they are not there. Just pray and smile. Keep that hope alive in your life and don't hesitate to talk to those around you about what's going on. You just might be surprised at who turns out to have your back when everything falls apart.
I love you all, and God bless.
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