How Much More?

How much more do I have to take before I break down? Why can't I just shout out what is really bothering me and actually have someone understand it. I'm so afraid to speak up and say something because of another fight and truthfully, I'm tired of fighting. I've been fighting my whole life. I tend to just sit quietly and not say when something is upsetting me. How many more lies do I have to be exposed to? How much more abuse do I have to withstand? Yes, I realize the "easy" solution is to speak up and demand respect but I've already lost enough people in my life by doing that very thing. How many more am I willing to lose by "standing up for myself"? But the alternative is to constantly and forever be used, abused, and lied to. I'm being chipped away little by little and I really feel there is not much left of me to take. I want the truth. The utter and honest truth but I never get it. Even when I demand it, I get more lies on top of lies. Even when people KNOW that I can read right through them and know exactly when they are lying, they still lie. Why?! If you know you are busted, why keep on digging your grave deeper? It may sound mean to say, but I WILL have the last laugh. I WILL be the one to come out on top. And I WILL have my reward one day for all the pain I've suffered through. That is the ONLY thing keeping me going. Just to know my enemies and fake friends will fall is enough to keep my mouth shut when they stare me right in the eyes and tell fibs to make themselves look better. I warn you yet again, be careful which lie you say next. I always know. I may not always have hard proof, but I know just the same. You may think that you are winning and getting away with everything that you try to hide, but I see. God given gift? Who knows. And if you think I'm the one falling to my "death", wait until you see me standing above your fallen body. I will keep my mouth shut until you finally fumble and everything is revealed. Tread lightly.