Let me start by saying that I'm so tired and annoyed! I'm really annoyed that I HAVE to set aside at least two hours a day for a nap and if I don't then I just fall asleep. It happened this morning very unexpectedly while I was waiting for it to be time to test my blood sugar again. I had 15 minutes left before it was time to prick the finger once again and the next thing I knew, I was waking up two hours later. I guess it's kind of like narcoleptic episodes? Yes, I get it I'm pregnant but seriously? But even more so than the weird sleeping any time any where episodes is the fact that I have now had a total of nine, count 'em...N.I.N.E. random strangers tell me that I look huge and "ready to pop". Not that I'm ready to weigh and tell (I am a woman after all) but I weight 148 lbs AND I'm in my third trimester. How in the world does that make me huge?! Yes, I understand they are probably just trying to make conversation but every time I tell these idiots that I have until the end of November until my baby is due they look shocked. Hint: that does NOT make the big bellied, swollen woman feel better about herself! I've only had one stranger make me feel better and her small comment as she walked out of the door in front of me at the store was the best thing I'd heard throughout my pregnancy. She said, "Aww! Your little belly is so cute!" (Happened just about two weeks ago) Why is she the only one to see that I'm not some huge cow like everyone else makes it seem?
Getting past all of this rambling: I went shopping today at my local Joann's craft store (one of my favorite places to be!)and even though I know we owe money to a certain individual, I really needed it. Buying cheap stupid looking Halloween decorations seemed to lift my spirits and after two full days of crying on and off about everything going on, yes I needed it. Even more so, I'm planning to start tomorrow decorating the house for Halloween. Yes, I realize it will be September 11th and way too early for the normal American to be decorating but I don't really care! Ever since I was little, I've had a fascination with Halloween. Not because of some evil traditions or stories but because simply, it's fun! You can be who you want, you can be crazy, your house can look crazy, you can eat tons of candy (ok..well not for me this year), and it's fun to see kids eyes light up. But what I find most interesting is how much paranormal activity picks up around this time of year.
Wait, what did you say? Yes, I said paranormal. I'm not talking about Ghost Hunters, debunking haunted locations type of paranormal (even though I do admit that I love that show). I'm talking about what the normal human being doesn't see or hear. Let me break this down for you.
Have you ever walked into a room, house, location, etc. and just FELT like someone was watching you? Chances are though, when you turn around or investigate nothing's there so you just brush off the feeling. But what if I told you that chances are (about 80%) that there is something watching you? Scary thought? Let's have another example: Ever watch a real scary movie with monsters, ghosts, demons, etc. and you are watching the clock the whole time wondering when the movie will be over? Of course when the credits roll you laugh and sigh in relief knowing that you can turn on the lights and go back to your normal Facebook games. What if that movie never went off? What if you got no relief when you turned the lights on or even grabbed your keys and left the location that the "monsters" were at? What if when you felt that "something" staring at you, you turned around to actually find something there? How scared would you be? Would you run and tell everyone you know to look out and run away from this "thing" that follows you every where or would you stay silent? Chances are if you told, not many (if any) would believe you!
Here's my blunt truth: I see, feel, and/or hear spirits, ghosts, demons, etc. Read it again if you need to but yes, it's true. It started when I was nine and has happened ever since. Before you get excited and call me out on a ghost hunt with you (which I honestly wouldn't mind!) don't think that I can just go in a place, call upon them and then tell you who and what they are and what they want. It doesn't work that way. I see what they want me to see. I hear what they want me to hear. If they don't want me to see or hear them, they conceal it but chances are I'll feel something around. Even if I can see them and/or hear them it's not always the truth. I honestly won't give too much away here because all of this will be in my novel, so why tell now and risk the chance of people saying, "Ah well I already know the story so I don't want to buy the book"? I'll leave a little mystery here.
I will say this, it's not fun. I don't particularly find it appealing when I'm out to dinner with family or friends and look over to see something demonic standing near. It's definitely not fun when you are home alone and go to walk down your hallway and all but slap right into something standing in the hallway trying it's best to block your way (the reason? God only knows). Trust me, I look pretty stupid when I'm out in public and suddenly step to the side to walk around this entity. Of course, no one else see's that. They just see some crazy woman step around something invisible. I could easily be thrown into a mental institution for even talking about this but I know what I see and I know it's real.
No, I don't always know what they want. I don't always know why they are here. And I certainly don't always know why they are around me or why I see them. Bits and pieces of my destiny are being revealed one slow layer at a time and all I can do is take the information I already have and use it.
Best piece of advice for those of you who do see ghosts, demons, whatever: DON'T TALK TO THEM! Please don't ask them what they want. I used to do this on a daily basis and I am sitting here alive today confessing that I've been possessed over four times. Yes, you read that right. I have witnesses, even though I don't particularly remember what happened during those times. I have gotten myself in so much trouble by using Ouija boards, Tarot cards, and by simply trying to have a conversation with the spirit. They have tricked me into thinking they were something good or harmless.
But the BEST advice I have for anyone who can or CAN'T see them is: If you FEEL something weird or out of the ordinary, just start praying. Pray quietly, because I've actually been mocked during my prayer by a demon. God will hear you, I promise. There really is no harm in praying out loud during those times but hearing a hissing voice repeating what you are praying and laughing as you do can cause you to stop praying...never a good thing.
Many find it ironic (maybe even moronic) that I decorate my house with ghost doo-dad's for Halloween but it's all a joke. It's a way for me to look at my life and simply laugh and realize that I'm being protected. And yes, I know that for a fact because on top of seeing the bad spirits...ready for this?...I can also see my guardian angel.
Now I'm sure you think I'm making this up. Honestly, it won't hurt my feelings if you don't believe me, many haven't before but yes, I see him. I can speak with him, cry to him, and feel his hands on my shoulders when I just need a caring touch to help calm me down. He's my "Brad Pitt" angel (that will be explained in the book as well). For now, that's all you need to know. Even though we have spoken several times, one phrase he said will always stick out in my mind and this is one I feel I should share with all of you:
Upon the first time of me ever seeing him (which was only a few months ago!) I wanted to know if him and his "team" (whom I had the pleasure of witnessing only once) would always be around to protect me. His response, "We've always been here [pause] and we always will be."
I'll end it there...
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