The Truth About Lying

I'm sure everyone is getting sick and tired of me talking about lying non-stop and hardships of my life, blah blah right? Well, not to be rude but that is the point of having my own blog and own Facebook site. Everyone else can write anything that bothers them so why can't I? The lying subject keeps coming up in my words because it keeps happening. I'm starting to realize that some people just aren't getting the hints that I'm putting out there. They just always assume I'm talking about someone else. So let's begin shall we?

What IS the truth about lying? There are many but let's start with this oldie but a goodie: Someone always knows. Want an example?

Years ago I had a male friend whose name we will not say here (this is for privacy reasons and none other even though I have no contact with this guy anymore...it's called respect). He had a very sweet, loving, innocent girlfriend who loved him more than the stars. Seeing them together you would think nothing was wrong and that their relationship was fine. They were usually together, had several things in common, and seemed to mesh well but appearances can be deceiving. The truth was, this guy was going out of town for work once to twice a month and while gone he was visiting strip clubs, bars, and "hooking up" with different women. I played dumb for quite some time to him pretending that I didn't know the truth and would politely "accept" the excuses he would come up with in front of his girlfriend all the while being able to look in his eyes and actually see that he was lying. No, there wasn't a twitch or quiver in his voice that gave it away...it was his soul.

"You can't look into someone's soul!" you may say...or, "That's impossible! You're crazy!" Well, maybe I am a little crazy but I can promise you it's not impossible. Want the proof?

After about a year of "knowing" that guy was lying he finally fessed up one night while drunk at a party at my house. I was one of two females there and the other girl was busy being a slut in my bathroom (I'm not kidding about that part) so there I was stuck to once again listening to "guy talk" about "babes" and their latests conquests. One of his friends let it slip that the last time they were out of town that they went to a strip club, spent tons of money, ignored their girlfriend's phone calls, and even managed to score a couple of "hot ass chicks" that they later took back to their hotel room and had sex with (I'll leave the gross details out here). So what could be worse than them obviously cheating on their girlfriend's? The fact that they didn't care. They were planning another trip already. They actually were proud that they pulled it off without the girls finding out.

Once he sobered up a bit, he asked if he could talk to me outside. I simply just nodded and followed him out. The conversation was as follows:

"You knew the whole time didn't you?" Steve said (we'll just call him that to make the dialog easier)

I nodded in response.

"Are you going to tell my girlfriend?" he asked.

I replied, "It's not my job to. It's yours."

"I can't tell her the truth. She'd leave me over it."

"Well, you should have thought about that when you did it."

After a long pause of him obviously thinking about what I just told him he finally spoke.

"Do you think I'm a bad person?"

"Yes." (the look on his face was obviously shock in my response) "You have the choice to be a good person but you chose wrong. You have all the tools at your feet to clean up your life and be good to those around you, yet you ignore it and keep doing what you're doing. So yes, in my opinion that makes you bad."

A few weeks later I ran into him at a store and he explained to me that he finally got the "guts" to tell his girlfriend what he had been doing while away. He was heartbroken that she left him and said that he was begging her to come back. Idiot. Of course she left. That's what she should have done. Why subject yourself to something as bad as that? Honestly I have no answer for that because every guy I've dated has cheated on me and/or lied. Only one has come clean and told me the truth. What they didn't realize was that I have this "gift" if you want to call it that and knew the whole time.

Which brings me to this: If you KNOW I can do this and you KNOW that I KNOW the truth...why lie? In the same respect, why do I continue to let those people stay around me? I'm sure you have many reasons for why you lie but for me...I stay because I know the truth will come out.

So what's the downfall of having this ability? Not being able to provide proof. Think about a friend saying this to you: "I know my husband is cheating on me." You say, "That's horrible! How do you know?" You reply, "I just do." Hmm...doesn't sound real convincing does it? To me, it doesn't matter that I don't have concrete pictures to prove you were doing what you were actually doing...it's the fact that I know. And that's just it...I always know.

I'm sure you are wondering why I don't just speak up and say something but I have. I've tried many times to pull out the truth and let them know that I know they are lying. There have been many times where the "stories" they tell don't add up and when I bring up those facts...of course more lies are said. It usually ends up in a fight and yelling or someone slamming a door and speeding off yada yada. Somehow it always ends up my fault (lovely, huh?).

Bottom line: God has assured me that the truth will surface. As for me, I have no idea why he shows me these things or these truth's, especially when there is not much I can do with the information at the time. All I can say is that he does. Through dreams, visions, and the gift of looking into your eyes and seeing the truth.

Would you stand in front of an angel and lie to them? You can lie to yourself all you want but you can't lie to God. I don't care if you believe in Him or not. He's still there and listening to what's in your heart. Getting mad at me for knowing what he's seen you do is not going to help any. You are simply trying to kill the messenger.

So for those who continue to lie to me (and yes, I can tell when you're lying on the phone as well...don't think that just because I can't physically see you that I can't know the truth) you will fall soon. I've seen it. All the lies that you have told will come out verbally, statistically, and proof wise. You can tip-toe around me all you want and try to show me that you care, but I know the truth. I can't stress that enough. I don't care how much you "say" you care, when your actions do something completely different. I'll continue to nod along with what you say until God gives me the go ahead, but chances are...I won't have to. You'll stumble...they always do.

Lesson here: Is it really worth it? Is that escapade that you are going on really so enjoyable that you are willing to lose everything in front of your eyes? Are the lies you are telling make you feel better about what you've done or somehow "erase" it?

Last point here: Ladies you aren't safe from what I say. You do it too...I've seen it and heard it.

So in closing: for those of you who are tired of me ranting about cheating and lying, this is my response. I'll stop talking about it when you stop doing it. Bottom line.

Hook, Line, and Sinker

Title: Shine

Tags: Family, love, loss, heartache, pain, drugs, alcohol, rape, rock'n'roll, angels, demons, ghosts, possession, confusion, abuse, hope

Overview: This is the tale of a woman re-counting her experiences through life. The final truth of her life is finally exposed as she discusses such experiences as growing up in a strict home, being raped at a young age, delving into drugs and alcohol, seeing and hearing ghosts and demons, being shuffled between two religions, surviving through several abusive relationships, starting a family, and every other fight in between. But most of all it's a recollection of discovering the truth in religion, life, and God's love for all humanity. Join her in a journey that will shed light on many of the world's issues facing teenagers and young men and women in today's society and learn the right and wrong ways of going about them.

Targeted Audience: Teenagers, Young Adults, Adults, Elderly

Quote: "You may think you know the truth, but you have no idea."


Now, after reading what I have posted above, answer honestly. Is this something you'd be interested in reading? Does any area seen above tug at your heart and make you want to learn the truth or even a tad big curious to see what will be said? More so than it being an enlightening truth, it's also a learning experience to be able to help you understand your own journey and even others around you. The targeted audience may be listed above but it truly takes someone with an open mind and more so, an open heart to get the full message portrayed in the book. As a bonus, I'm including an excerpt from the novel below. Don't draw any conclusions yet, just let your mind start working after reading. Much love to you all and God bless.




Excerpt from Shine:

The sun shone down on her bare hands as she had feared. The stinging sensation started earlier than expected. Driving across the Lake Murray dam, she headed for the infamous Harbison Blvd., which seemed to look more and more like a city within a city than an actual road. She hated going to that area, mainly because it seemed like everyone else who drove that overly crowded street either had massive road rage, or couldn't drive at all. She couldn't count how many time she had almost been hit in her '85 Honda civic hatchback. She'd sworn that it was the cars fault for the near accidents that happened on a daily basis.

“The car's too freakin' small!” she'd exclaimed more times than anyone would have actually liked to have heard. “People can't see me when I'm driving beside them and they just come on over into my lane without even checking their blind spots. I swear, I can't wait to get a new car!”

Now, on this chilly February morning, with her “new to her” 2002 Dodge Neon she felt more exhilarated and less likely to lose her life over some carelessly driving fool. She lightly hummed along to an old '80's tune on the radio as she cautiously watched the speed limit. Her brain, as it normally did, whirled and danced around hundreds of thoughts but was abruptly disrupted with another stinging sensation on the top of her hand. She glanced down and upon noticing that the sun was once again grazing her bare skin, she moved her hand farther down the steering wheel to the cooling shade.

She sighed to herself while thinking, “Why is it that I have so many health problems?” At the age of twenty-seven, she'd encountered her fair share. She was born hypoglycemic, which means that she had issues with her blood sugar being low, which she had to simply eat right and it usually stayed on track. At the age of sixteen, she began to develop ovarian cysts which only went away after weeks of excruciating tests, and finally a prescription for birth control pills. At a Fourth of July celebration at Ft. Jackson when she was twenty-four, she tripped on a cooler while trying to get away from the hoards of people who frantically tried to cram on the same bus back to their cars. The result of that insanity cost her major back pain for months, and minor daily pain every day since. Also on the list was pre-cancerous cells found on her uterus after the birth of her son, Sean; three head traumas, which were self-inflicted all because she stood up too quickly slamming the back of her head against a shelf in her home which caused her to become unconscious for only a few minutes each time; astigmatism in both eyes; and several gashes from her cat graciously falling into the bathtub while she was in it. But the most detrimental of all bodily complaints was her sensitivity to the sun's UV rays.

At the feel of the latest skin burning, she began to think back to that summer in 1998, when her family took their normal vacation to the high rise condo that her father rented down in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Back when she cared more about her looks than her health. When she cared more about what others thought of her and how much the daily teasing from her classmates burned her heart. And more than anything else, back when the uncaring doctor rudely said, “You're allergic to the sun!”

Desperate to avoid more than the once a year sun poisoning she was subjected to, she tried her best to stay out of the suns light but found that almost impossible to do. She repositioned her left hand repeatedly depending on how the sun was shining through her un-tinted car window. Her movement came more frequently as she drove along that winding road.

“Why am I allergic to the stupid sun? Couldn't I be allergic to something a little more avoidable...like nuts, or cotton, or...I don't know...plastic?” she thought to herself.

The ten week old mini dachshund puppy shifted his weight in her lap and looked up at her with wide glistening eyes. She grinned down at him and lightly scratched his head. Once content that all was well in the world and there was nothing to play with or bark at, he settled back down for some more sleep time.

The sun unavoidably shone onto the side of her head, making her seemingly dull brown shoulder length hair shine with hints of natural blonde and red highlights. She rolled her honey colored eyes at the warmth on the left side of her neck and began to ask questions again.

“Why has my life sucked so bad? I mean sure, it seems to be getting better now but come on! Why can't I get a break? Every time something goes right, five other things go wrong. Why do I have to be so white? Why can't I tan like everyone else? Why do I see supernatural thingamabobs? Why can't I be great at one thing, instead of being just decent at several? Why is it that-”

“Be quiet,” she heard from her right side.

She glanced over to the passenger seat but saw nothing. Her questions started again, “Who said that? Was that another ghost? Was it something evil? Did I just imagine that? Am I going crazy for real now-”

“Be quiet,” the same soft male voice said again, a little more aggressive this time.

“Okay...” she said slowly as she (not so secretly) asked a few more questions in her head.

“Stop asking questions and be quiet!” he harshly told her.

The shape of a man with dirty blonde hair, firm jaw line, pale skin, and dressed in a crisp white suit appeared sitting in the passenger seat of her grayish-blue Dodge. She noticed that he was a handsome looking man, er, thing? The “mans” clean shaven face, narrow lips, and piercing blue eyes seemed to scream anything but unholy to her.

“You're nothing like what I usually see,” she said giving him a mocking smile.

“I asked you to be quiet,” he replied, not changing the calm expression on his face.

“Okay, okay.”

Noticing the unamused look that he shot her, she straightened in her seat and looked forward at the road.

“Turn off your radio.”

Without saying a word, per his instructions, she reached down and pushed the knob in on the radio to shut if off completely.

“Just listen,” he said. “You need to stop asking so many questions. You don't wait for an answer before you ask another. You're very impatient.”

She glanced at him and gave him a smirk and a nod as if to say, “You're a quick one aren't ya?”

She sat impatiently in the noiseless atmosphere and drummed her fingers along the steering wheel. She suddenly felt a warm presence on her right hand and immediately stopped drumming. She glanced down at the pale soft hand that rested on top of hers then looked back at the mysterious man to her right.

“Shh,” he quietly said. “We've got you.”

She badly wanted to ask millions of questions to figure out what in the world he was talking about but before she could even think of one he spoke again.

“Stop worrying about everything. We've got you. When demons threaten you at night, we've got you. When the world feels like it's out to get you, we've got you. When you have to be out in the sun and you have no other choice, we've got you. You're taken care of Khat.”

Katherine Moon was speechless for maybe the first time in her life.

She came to a complete stop at a red light and reached down to take hold of her favorite energy drink. He gripped her hand tighter.

“No.”

She wordlessly looked up at his face wondering why she was having to be so quiet and still.

Her phone chimed noting that she had a new email, but as she went to reach for it he spoke again.

“No.”

She felt no need to argue or even complain. She simply just sat very still, waiting for the light to turn green and for the man to give further instructions.

She began to hear a faint sound. She cocked her head to the left trying to figure out where the sound was coming from and what it actually was. It sounded as if someone's radio was on in another room...except...she was in a car. Made no sense at all. She noticed it sounded a lot like singing, yet also like bells or chimes. Trumpets, organs, violins or some instrument she had never heard of played in the background. She couldn't pinpoint anything in the noise yet for some reason her eyes began to water. It was beautiful, yet strange at the same time.

She looked over at the man who seemed to shine in front of her eyes and started to speak but abruptly stopped before she even began.

“You can ask,” he said giving her a warm smile.

“What is that?” she said quietly.

“Angels.”

Her mind whirled. Questions flooded so fast that she couldn't pinpoint just one to ask. Her breath caught in her throat and her heart raced.

After what seemed like an eternity of trying to steady herself she finally said, “I'm hearing angels?”

He nodded at her giving her a more sympathetic look.

She noise faded away and the light turned green, yet she just sat there.

He pointed to the light and said, “You need to drive.”

She laughed lightly and slowly pressed down on the gas pedal.

She remembered a line from her favorite T.V. Show, Supernatural, and spoke that line to him.

“What, I can hear angel radio now or something?” She gave him a playful smile but didn't actually expect a response from him.

“Interesting way to put it, but yes.”

Without meaning to, she jerked the wheel to the left. His hand quickly was placed back on top of hers and the car steadied itself back on the road.

She couldn't speak anymore. She wouldn't have know what to say even if she could. The only thing that she kept thinking in her head was, “who is this guy?”

“I'm your angel,” he replied as if he could hear what she was thinking...or could he?

Before she could say anything he said, “Yes, I can hear you.”

“I wish I could know your name.”

“Josiah.”

She pulled into the parking lot of the unusually empty Old Navy store and parked close to the entrance. She didn't want to get out. She didn't want to go get a new pair of jeans. She didn't want to even speak. She just wanted to stay there.

“Go ahead,” he spoke motioning for the store. “Have fun.”

His smile calmed her down.

“But what about you?” she asked. “Will you stay with me?”

White faceless figures appeared all around her, inside the car and out. At least eight surrounded her. Her mouth fell slightly open as she looked around and back at him.

“We've always been with you...and we always will be.”

Satisfied with the answer, she opened the door, turned off the car and stepped out into the warm sunlight. The burning returned on her exposed skin but quickly faded. She glanced over her shoulder and saw three of the angels with their wings spread high above her head, shading her from the sun.

She heard his voice speak one more time as they all faded from sight.

“We've got you.”

How Much More?

How much more do I have to take before I break down? Why can't I just shout out what is really bothering me and actually have someone understand it. I'm so afraid to speak up and say something because of another fight and truthfully, I'm tired of fighting. I've been fighting my whole life. I tend to just sit quietly and not say when something is upsetting me. How many more lies do I have to be exposed to? How much more abuse do I have to withstand? Yes, I realize the "easy" solution is to speak up and demand respect but I've already lost enough people in my life by doing that very thing. How many more am I willing to lose by "standing up for myself"? But the alternative is to constantly and forever be used, abused, and lied to. I'm being chipped away little by little and I really feel there is not much left of me to take. I want the truth. The utter and honest truth but I never get it. Even when I demand it, I get more lies on top of lies. Even when people KNOW that I can read right through them and know exactly when they are lying, they still lie. Why?! If you know you are busted, why keep on digging your grave deeper? It may sound mean to say, but I WILL have the last laugh. I WILL be the one to come out on top. And I WILL have my reward one day for all the pain I've suffered through. That is the ONLY thing keeping me going. Just to know my enemies and fake friends will fall is enough to keep my mouth shut when they stare me right in the eyes and tell fibs to make themselves look better. I warn you yet again, be careful which lie you say next. I always know. I may not always have hard proof, but I know just the same. You may think that you are winning and getting away with everything that you try to hide, but I see. God given gift? Who knows. And if you think I'm the one falling to my "death", wait until you see me standing above your fallen body. I will keep my mouth shut until you finally fumble and everything is revealed. Tread lightly.

Getting bold about the truth

It could be the fact that I'm overly exhausted, the fact that my family is having to pay off a woman who doesn't even deserve to be breathing right now, the fact that my school is stressing me out, the fact that I hate my doctor's office but hate the fact that I'm having to change insurance companies soon even more, or the fact that I was just diagnosed with gestational diabetes but I'm getting real bold now. My secrets that I've hinted on have already come out in the last blog and I'm about to do it again. Everybody sing with me!!!! "Oops I did it again..." Umm...no.

Let me start by saying that I'm so tired and annoyed! I'm really annoyed that I HAVE to set aside at least two hours a day for a nap and if I don't then I just fall asleep. It happened this morning very unexpectedly while I was waiting for it to be time to test my blood sugar again. I had 15 minutes left before it was time to prick the finger once again and the next thing I knew, I was waking up two hours later. I guess it's kind of like narcoleptic episodes? Yes, I get it I'm pregnant but seriously? But even more so than the weird sleeping any time any where episodes is the fact that I have now had a total of nine, count 'em...N.I.N.E. random strangers tell me that I look huge and "ready to pop". Not that I'm ready to weigh and tell (I am a woman after all) but I weight 148 lbs AND I'm in my third trimester. How in the world does that make me huge?! Yes, I understand they are probably just trying to make conversation but every time I tell these idiots that I have until the end of November until my baby is due they look shocked. Hint: that does NOT make the big bellied, swollen woman feel better about herself! I've only had one stranger make me feel better and her small comment as she walked out of the door in front of me at the store was the best thing I'd heard throughout my pregnancy. She said, "Aww! Your little belly is so cute!" (Happened just about two weeks ago) Why is she the only one to see that I'm not some huge cow like everyone else makes it seem?

Getting past all of this rambling: I went shopping today at my local Joann's craft store (one of my favorite places to be!)and even though I know we owe money to a certain individual, I really needed it. Buying cheap stupid looking Halloween decorations seemed to lift my spirits and after two full days of crying on and off about everything going on, yes I needed it. Even more so, I'm planning to start tomorrow decorating the house for Halloween. Yes, I realize it will be September 11th and way too early for the normal American to be decorating but I don't really care! Ever since I was little, I've had a fascination with Halloween. Not because of some evil traditions or stories but because simply, it's fun! You can be who you want, you can be crazy, your house can look crazy, you can eat tons of candy (ok..well not for me this year), and it's fun to see kids eyes light up. But what I find most interesting is how much paranormal activity picks up around this time of year.

Wait, what did you say? Yes, I said paranormal. I'm not talking about Ghost Hunters, debunking haunted locations type of paranormal (even though I do admit that I love that show). I'm talking about what the normal human being doesn't see or hear. Let me break this down for you.

Have you ever walked into a room, house, location, etc. and just FELT like someone was watching you? Chances are though, when you turn around or investigate nothing's there so you just brush off the feeling. But what if I told you that chances are (about 80%) that there is something watching you? Scary thought? Let's have another example: Ever watch a real scary movie with monsters, ghosts, demons, etc. and you are watching the clock the whole time wondering when the movie will be over? Of course when the credits roll you laugh and sigh in relief knowing that you can turn on the lights and go back to your normal Facebook games. What if that movie never went off? What if you got no relief when you turned the lights on or even grabbed your keys and left the location that the "monsters" were at? What if when you felt that "something" staring at you, you turned around to actually find something there? How scared would you be? Would you run and tell everyone you know to look out and run away from this "thing" that follows you every where or would you stay silent? Chances are if you told, not many (if any) would believe you!

Here's my blunt truth: I see, feel, and/or hear spirits, ghosts, demons, etc. Read it again if you need to but yes, it's true. It started when I was nine and has happened ever since. Before you get excited and call me out on a ghost hunt with you (which I honestly wouldn't mind!) don't think that I can just go in a place, call upon them and then tell you who and what they are and what they want. It doesn't work that way. I see what they want me to see. I hear what they want me to hear. If they don't want me to see or hear them, they conceal it but chances are I'll feel something around. Even if I can see them and/or hear them it's not always the truth. I honestly won't give too much away here because all of this will be in my novel, so why tell now and risk the chance of people saying, "Ah well I already know the story so I don't want to buy the book"? I'll leave a little mystery here.

I will say this, it's not fun. I don't particularly find it appealing when I'm out to dinner with family or friends and look over to see something demonic standing near. It's definitely not fun when you are home alone and go to walk down your hallway and all but slap right into something standing in the hallway trying it's best to block your way (the reason? God only knows). Trust me, I look pretty stupid when I'm out in public and suddenly step to the side to walk around this entity. Of course, no one else see's that. They just see some crazy woman step around something invisible. I could easily be thrown into a mental institution for even talking about this but I know what I see and I know it's real.

No, I don't always know what they want. I don't always know why they are here. And I certainly don't always know why they are around me or why I see them. Bits and pieces of my destiny are being revealed one slow layer at a time and all I can do is take the information I already have and use it.

Best piece of advice for those of you who do see ghosts, demons, whatever: DON'T TALK TO THEM! Please don't ask them what they want. I used to do this on a daily basis and I am sitting here alive today confessing that I've been possessed over four times. Yes, you read that right. I have witnesses, even though I don't particularly remember what happened during those times. I have gotten myself in so much trouble by using Ouija boards, Tarot cards, and by simply trying to have a conversation with the spirit. They have tricked me into thinking they were something good or harmless.

But the BEST advice I have for anyone who can or CAN'T see them is: If you FEEL something weird or out of the ordinary, just start praying. Pray quietly, because I've actually been mocked during my prayer by a demon. God will hear you, I promise. There really is no harm in praying out loud during those times but hearing a hissing voice repeating what you are praying and laughing as you do can cause you to stop praying...never a good thing.

Many find it ironic (maybe even moronic) that I decorate my house with ghost doo-dad's for Halloween but it's all a joke. It's a way for me to look at my life and simply laugh and realize that I'm being protected. And yes, I know that for a fact because on top of seeing the bad spirits...ready for this?...I can also see my guardian angel.

Now I'm sure you think I'm making this up. Honestly, it won't hurt my feelings if you don't believe me, many haven't before but yes, I see him. I can speak with him, cry to him, and feel his hands on my shoulders when I just need a caring touch to help calm me down. He's my "Brad Pitt" angel (that will be explained in the book as well). For now, that's all you need to know. Even though we have spoken several times, one phrase he said will always stick out in my mind and this is one I feel I should share with all of you:

Upon the first time of me ever seeing him (which was only a few months ago!) I wanted to know if him and his "team" (whom I had the pleasure of witnessing only once) would always be around to protect me. His response, "We've always been here [pause] and we always will be."

I'll end it there...